okay pat passed out under dana's car
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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