Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
