U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
