I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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