the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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