so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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