You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
