i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
