Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
