you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
