dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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