Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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