He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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