Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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