Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
