he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
