She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
