I just made out with a guy for $7.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize