I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
