so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize