dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Holy sore nipples Batman
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
