I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
