I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
