break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
