oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
