Your face is a jimmy john
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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