that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
