Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
