literally had 100 drinks last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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