We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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