respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
