On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The air was thick with penises
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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