last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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