like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
