I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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