I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
