I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
