he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
