Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
