you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
