She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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