Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
