There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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