Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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