that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
