So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
