just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize