I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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