this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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