I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
