Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
