There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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