I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
