i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
