That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
