Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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