i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
