Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize