Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
