fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
