she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
