He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
