He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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