I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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