you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
