She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have aggressive nipples.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
