Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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